March 31, 2009

93. Bauhaus: Third Uncle

If you're putting together a list like this, there are a lot of songs that are easy. You get practically no credit for including Paranoid Android, Smells Like Teen Spirit, New Year's Day in a list like this. You do start to get points for things like Stuck Between Stations (Hold Steady), Don Henley (Boys of Summer), Headache (Frank Black) and many others that I would have in my top 500 but wouldn't necessarily expect others to include.

But seeing this song -- and Liz Phair's The Divorce Song and Tom Waits' Jockey Full of Bourbon and Ministry's Stigmata -- made me back up and, despite my occasional mocking, wonder if PF500 might actually know what it was talking about. The easy play for PF500 would have been to include Bauhaus' Bela Lugosi's Dead, Liz Phair's Fuck and Run and a million other Waits' tunes. No one would have complained, but they found the right ones for the list.

The book's take is spot on, noting that "Bauhaus's status as the godfathers of goth always gets them a bum rap: it's as if memories of bad haircuts and fake vampires are just too titillating for anyone to remember all the incredible things this band actually did." And then "their cover of Brian Eno's 'Third Uncle' ... takes a spare, art-rock oddity and sets it on fire, kicking off at breakneck speed and then letting every member claw for the ceiling .... It's Murphy's double tracked vocal that does the trick: it starts off in a monotone chant, but by the halfway point it's frenzied and yelping, as the bug-eyed Murphy in the background shouts punctuation to the commanding one up front."

Absolutely! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Bauhaus put PLAY VERY LOUD on the back of one of their CD's and I always remember that and turn it up when I hear them, to their advantage. Everyone knows that loud music sounds better.

RATING: a 92 for # 93


(I just noticed it's Abebe. Nitsuh: I'm sorry for everything I said before!)

92. Robert Wyatt: Shipbuilding

Hating Reagan being too common, Indie Rockers at PF500 are retrospectively hating Thatcher, blaming the Iron Lady for the death of English manufacturing (really? oh, now I get it. Mr. (Ms.) Abebe again!)

Making sure I don't let Abebe babble taint the song, the song does have it's moments. It starts with brushes on the drums and a piano, and then comes in a voice so plaintive and raw that it grabs you, with heartfelt lyrics.

But then things start to go wrong. He's against the Falklands War (who didn't love the Falklands War with Fort Stanley and Princes fighting and all that). The sloppy bass line sliding up and down seems horribly out of place. A chorus just too similar to McCartney & Jackson's Ebony and Ivory. Lyrics crossing right over the line into maudlin.

RATING: 42.

91. The Specials: Ghost Town

A nice spooky ska number that uses ska's lazy beat, various styles of synth, a deep voiced main vocal, a great series of background vocals and, of course, horns (it's the specials after all) and gives them all appropriate attention and space to be heard, and ends up creating a pretty damn cool song that hit # 1 on the charts in Britain.

A secondary vocalist that pops in at 1:45 really seems out of place, and the song has a great chance to end at about the 4 minute mark, but the Specials don't take the offer and extend it out past its welcome.

It's no A Message to You Rudy, but it's pretty damn good.

RATING: 72.

90. Altered Images: Happy Birthday

It can be difficult to take these early 1980s bands very seriously once you actually see them. It may be OK for the female lead in this song to strike a playful, pouty pose and wear a cutesy hat. It draws the eye, but it seems excusable. It's tough to be as forgiving when you see one of the male bandmembers wearing the same hat.

It's a pretty catchy, tricky lyricked song, but it's hard to see why this particular bubble-gum piece of early 1980s pop belongs in the top 500, as compared to all the other gummy pop that the first half of the decade was so full of, much of which was better.

Nice active bass is notable.

RATING: 58.

89. Young Marble Giants: The Final Day

An early 1980s style synth plays a friendly series of riffs (that sound even better in the live version), while some workmanlike guitar strumming goes on along-side (that sounds worse in the live version). Light-voiced female vocals quickly tear through a song about nuclear war making rich people poor too, so PF500 plays up the "whispers communicate urgency at least as well as shouts" angle, but the song really just feels not quite developed. There's a reason most songs last more than 100 seconds. This one should've done more.

RATING: 60.

March 25, 2009

88. Dexy's Midnight Runners: There There My Dear

It's tough not to be annoyed right from the start, seeing PF500 stick this song in there. I'd be OK with PF500 including Come on Eileen. I'd be OK with PF500 not including Come On Eileen. But knowing nothing about this band other than that song, I still pretty much know that Dexy's Midnight Runners very likely do not have a song better than Come on Eileen.

So maybe I approached it with an overly skeptical ear. But to these ears, There There My Dear is a sloppy voiced overly-horn heavy (and it's tough to get that verdict from a brass-lover like me) song, where the lead singer needlessly trills his R's about 18 times in the span of 3 minutes.

Wikipedia explains that the band's lead, Kevin Rowland, was such an ass that all the bandmembers quit shortly after this song became a hit. Rowland replaced the band and made them all work out and run together and banned pre-show alcohol.

Mr. Kevin Rowland: YOU are not rock and roll.

RATING: 40.

March 24, 2009

87. The B-52's: Private Idaho

Sometimes I read something cool about the B-52's and I start to appreciate them. From Athens, GA. Check. Worked with David Byrne. Check. and R.E.M. (see Athens connection). Check. Fought with Yoko Ono. Check.

And then I listen to them and there's no chance. Check out their official website and try to stay on the website for more than 60 seconds. It's almost impossible. And then remember that they introduced RuPaul to the world.

RATING: 30.

March 23, 2009

86. The Pretenders: Back on the Chain Gang.

Oo. Ah. Oo. Ah. Oo. Ah. The blog is going to start loading slow with this many solid songs in a row.

A pretty little ditty, with the low-soaring guitar solo.

Ms. Hynde, pride of Akron, does good work here. Is it possible that Montgomery, Stark and Summit counties best Cuyahoga, Franklin and Hamilton when it comes to developing bands? At least Mahoning and Lucas pose no threat.

I never cared for the bridge.

RATING: 76.



Kind of amazingly, Selena decided to steal the song and re-write the lyrics about pictures and memories in what might be the worst cover ever. This song spent seven weeks at number one on the Latin chart. This reminds me why I'm glad she's dead.

85. Elvis Costello: Beyond Belief

I guess I thought Agent Smith looked more like him than he actually does.

I used to have an old Ear Mail magazine from 1992 or so that had all kinds of Goth bands' new albums catalogued. The write-ups for nearly all of the bands were ludicrous, but one in particular stood out for its ending: "You beg them to stop. You beg for more." PF500 ends its section here by claiming that this song "documents the moment that Costello stepped outside of himself and, for the first time, failed to grasp what he saw." I know, I know, fish in a barrel and all that (Eric Harvey, please have a seat next to Mr. (Ms.?) Dominique Leone and Ms. (Mr.?) Nitsuh Abebe on the "not worth reading" list).

Multi-tracked multiple Costellos in echo chambers tear through this quick lyricked song. Elvis starts singing in second 6 and pretty much never stops for any instruments-only sections. I count at least 4 Elvises taking turns here: introspective Elvis; high-pitched Elvis; deep-voiced Elvis; high energy muffled effect Elvis pops out in the first chorus.

While the vocals do the majority of the work here, some cymbal-heavy drums, some great up and down effects on the organ add quite a bit.

This song gets it done and gets out in 153 tight seconds.

RATING: 85 (my fave that I'd never heard before!)

84. The Fall: Totally Wired

The drums start, and it just might be MY SHARONA (we are in the 1980-1982 section, after all), but thankfully it's not. Instead it's a weird little song that's kinda cool.

If Cab Calloway did punk, this is what it would sound like. The call and response between the bandleader and the band is in full effect here, with the "we're 10 feet away from the mike" effect being employed to great effect.

The music does very little, with the lead guitar sounding like a guitar full of bees being shaken around (I know that makes no sense, but that's what it sounds like), but it's the lead singer that does all the work here.

He's totally wired because a drank a "jar of coffee" and "took some of these!" "My heart and I agree!"

RATING: 76.

March 22, 2009

83. Joy Division: Atmosphere

I'm not one to shy away from the maudlin or overly-theatrical, but this one has always struck me as laying it on a little thick. Six beers into a depressing February Cleveland Wednesday night, the rest of the family having gone to sleep hours ago, I eat it up, but other times ... lets just say if you were a new friend, and we were hanging out, I'd never play this song unless I was sure you were into Joy Division first.

The video is even worse in this regard (see below, as Joy Division was apparently in some kind of weird Jawa branch of the Ku Klux Klan ... didn't they know about the KKK in Britain?).

The rhythmic drumming (and heavy lifting done by a tambourine) drives the song. The vocals cracking near the end giving it the emotional resonance. And several sets of great lines. My favorite is the accusatory "PEOPLE LIKE YOU ... FIND IT EASY." (there's that nerd fantasy again), although the lyrics don't necessarily aggregate into a coherent message.

[all things considered, I'm glad to see this in here, rather than Love Will Tear Us Apart.]

Here's a fair Trent Reznor / Peter Murphy cover of it.

RATING: Sober: 73. non-Sober (any kind): 86.

82. Laurie Anderson: O Superman (For Massenet)

When I started this, I figured 5 minute songs. So I figured 10 minutes to listen to them twice (writing during the second run through) and 2 minutes to find video or other stuff to post, for 12 minutes a song. That meant 5 songs an hour, which meant I would need to spend 100 hours to finish this blog. I didn't count on every single fucking song in the 1980-1982 section having only 7-10 minute songs.

This is the second song that made me check the name of the reviewer (Nitsuh Abebe) to make sure I knew to not bother to read his reviews from this point on (PF500 gives the initials after each review, but gives a roster of reviewers at the start).

It's IS a difficult 8 minutes of "ah ah ah ahs." And a lady talking into a synthesizer about idiotic early 1980s art school shit. And not much else. Per Mr. Abebe, Reagan made her do this.

RATING: 13.

81. Glenn Branca: Lesson No. 1 for Electric Guitar

For 2 minutes, it seems clear that this will be a great example of a violation of Rule 4 of the advice I would've given to PF500. Two-note and three-note guitar patterns merging into a shimmery mess that the PF500 descrip just goes ga ga over: "like beams of light splitting into fractals" (please stick to what you know PF500 English majors). And, yes, sure as shit, there in the book is stuff about how this "spawned" groups like Sonic Youth (I was shocked not to see a Bloody Valentine reference too).

But something happens between minutes 2 and 3. The drums kick in and something like a melody picks up and though overly repetitious, this turns into a nice little instrumental piece. And you can start to pick up the patterns and focus on the guitars, and ... although it's 8 minutes long, you're a bit surprised it's over so soon.

RATING: 74.

March 21, 2009

Is Anyone Else Doing This?

I spent a few minutes googlin' around, trying to figure out if anyone is going through these songs like I am (I'm skipping all the book review type things and all major media links and will look at those another day)

Best I can tell, there's the following:

(1) Jake and Jesse, who have gotten through the first 2 chapters (here's the first; here's the second) and, while not mentioning every song, do talk about the ones they like (out of those they heard before and haven't), the ones they don't like, with lots of media links and shit. These guys have some interesting takes; their stuff is worth checking out.

(2) This 16 year old guy from Munich who calls his site ForwardMusic, who mentioned that he's going through them, but only listed his thoughts on a few songs. C'mon man! Let's see some commentary!

(3) Here's Carlos, at Hipster Runoff, who re-wrote the final entry of the book (on the song Bros, by Panda Bear) here, and suggested in that post that he would be doing more, but apparently never has (and here's Carlos telling our dear President to stop campaigning and fix the fucking economy).

Maybe there's more, but I've pretty much found no one that has blogged more than half a dozen songs that isn't listed above (I'm also not including posts bragging about how they used bittorrent to steal all of the songs in the book efficiently; I'm talking about people that have read the book and at least claim to be going through the songs).

A few sites include some message boards on some of the songs, including:

(1) Patrick Wolf, where there are 20 posts of kinda lively, internet-ish discussion.

(2) And Tentfort, of course.

Then there's the people that have posted the lists, without including commentary on the songs:

(1) There's Reid, who made a spreadsheet of everything he has and doesn't have (he's at 75%, apparently), which one could adapt to their own purposes.

(2) There's Rate Your Music, which has all the cover art from the albums or singles, which is kind of cool.

(3) This guy at Closer to Near apparently was the first guy to get the list online, so just about the entire internet is linked to him at this point.

So while I've linked to quite a bit above, it's really me, and Jesse and Jake (if I missed anyone, please do let me know and you will be added).

Three of us? That's really the universe of people bothering to do this? C'mon people, I know it's only Pitchfork, it's not the fucking bible, but what other list is there to go after? You gotta start somewhere!

80. Melle Mel (credited to Grandmaster Flash): The Message

Phew! Had to wade through a lot of crap there for a while!

The stuttering laugh is the greatest thing about this one.

I noted in my comments on Kurtis Blow that it is sad how rap seems to have lost its joy. PF500 traces the ugliness in rap back to this song, which very well may be true, but the fact that Melle showed that rap could discuss social topics and be a little hard didn't mean that joyful rap had to be canceled across the board.

RATING: 73.

79. Afrika Bambaataa & Soulsonic Force: Planet Rock

Here comes the Miami sound. You can draw the line from this song directly to 2 Live Crew, Hoot! There it is and even C'mon Ride the Train.

PF500 claims it was inspired by Kraftwerk, but wikipedia goes further and claims that Kraftwerk actually wrote the hook. I'm again believing wikipedia, based on the sound. It sounds like German techno guys playing an eerie hook, while next door some Caribbean guys that have never even met the German guys are doing some middling early 1980s rap.

Wikipedia claims this song "generated an entire school of 'electro-boogie' rap and dance music." Is there such a thing as a lifetime dis-achievement award?

RATING: 33.

78. Kraftwerk: Numbers/Computer World 2

PF500 is cheating here. These are 2 songs on Rhapsody, 2 songs on the album per Wikipedia.

I realize that they have the same beat, the same counting from 1 to 8 in German and from 1 to 2 in English, but that's not my fault.

RATING: DQ (saves it from something in the high thirties).

76. Grandmaster Flash: The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel

Well, OK, now, THIS is what Steinski was copying to some extent.

This is Flash playing with 3 turntables, mixing Blondie (Rapture), Chic (Good Times), Queen (Another One Bites the Dust), Sugar Hill Gang (8th Wonder) and all kinds of other stuff.

RATING: A sum can be greater than its parts, but most of the time it's closer to the average of them: 58.

Worth linking to, however:

75. ESG: Moody

TELL THE SINGER TO STAY THE SAME DISTANCE FROM THE MICROPHONE IN THE STUDIO as she says "Very moody Yeah Yeah" for pretty much the whole song.

This song has the bass line and the percussion section. I feel like they forgot to record the rest.

RATING: 38.

74. Klein & MBO: Dirty Talk

Italian Disco (can I stop right there?).

The intentionally wavering off-tune keyboards on this one, particularly in the first 2 minutes, are interesting, largely for their novelty, but they may be on to something.

By the end, I feel like we've been forced to listen to someone in 1982 getting to play with their Casio Keyboard for the first time (here's the samba rhythm! ooo. and look, it plays clap sounds!) which, frankly, is probably somewhat accurate. By the end they've tried pretty much all of it, but I stopped listening halfway through.

RATING: 39.

March 20, 2009

73. Yoko Ono: Walking on Thin Ice

After hearing this, I'm pretty sure Yoko is Bjork's mom.

PF500 somewhat obviously includes it because the song was finished the day of Lennon's death (checking wikipedia I learn that ... Lennon was Yoko Ono's third husband!!?? Is this like P-Funk's bass lines; every knows about it but me?)

This song has multiple remixes; I'm counting 14 on Rhapsody. PF500 apparently likes the disco one, but fuckall if I know which one that is, and I'm sure not listening to this 14 times (not that it's awful).

RATING: 40-55 (different versions)

Here's a version that rips off Abracadabra:

72. Talking Heads: Born Under Punches

Byrne weirdness, an active rhythm section, out of tune bass line. Multiple series of sometimes overlapping backing vocals. But the main theme is the annoying electronic noise (it might even be a guitar). A video game breaks out at 3 minutes. This is everything the Talking Heads is, turned up 2 extra notches. Most people think they should be turned down a half-notch, if anything.

RATING: 41.

71. The Clash: Magnificent Seven

Wikipedia points out that 5 Clash songs made Rolling Stone's top 500 list. I applaud not having Should I Stay or Should I Go, no Complete Control. Train in Vain would've been OK but I don't miss it. But no London Calling, PF500?!?? Why not? You have 2 Clash reggae songs and 1 Clash rap song but no Clash punk or pop songs?

It's tempting to dismiss this song as rap dabbling, but it really is the Clash doing what they do best, merging another style into their own rather skillfully. I'd rather hear Kurtis Blow or Kool Moe Dee rap, but their bass lines aren't as tight and they don't have all the other shit going on like Joe Strummer the Rapper does.

RATING: 66.

70. Treacherous Three: The New Rap Language

The rapid-fire style is nice, but the first rule of rap is that it has to be understandable, and this fails that test too often. And the lyrics are middle-school at best. I just picked this line at random:

The bad, bad, superbad
Never sad, always glad
Not a day you find him mad
Ain't nothin I never had
Sleek, sleek, so unique
Guaranteed to move your feet
So everytime I play the beat
Ladies get up out their seat

The above is pretty indicative of all 10,000 words that comprise the lyrics.

Hearing Kool Moe Dee getting his start is nice. He's clearly the talent here.

8 minutes of this gets to be a bit ridiculous.

Rating: 50.

69. 8th Wonder: Sugarhill Gang

Where did all the happy, self-assured black nerds go? In the 1980s, some of the greatest athletes in sports were happy, self-assured black nerds. I'm thinking Walter Payton in the Superbowl Shuffle Video; I'm thinking Ozzie Smith's voice; Kirby Puckett; Adrian Dantley. Kurtis Blow and half the guys in the Sugarhill Gang feel like they'd fit right in with that crew. But that's a style that's just gone these days, although maybe Obama's election will bring it back.

I had actually never really listened to this nicely energetic but too long song.

In fact, I had no idea that Busta Rhymes "WOO-HAH ... got them all in check" was ripped off from this song which, in retrospect, kinda lowers my respect for Busta.

If I had watched DJ funktuall's videos, series 1 through 20 (below), I would've known that (fast forward to 2:00 minutes):



RATING 57

67. Kurtis Blow: The Breaks

Is that high pitched siren-ish oo-ah-oo-ah a person or an effect? It's intoxicating, whatever it is.

There's something nice about rapping about IRS audits, big phone bills. Rhymes that the rapper himself even knew were stupid, but he just didn't care, because he had JOY. He was having fun. And why not, he's clearly at a party.

RATING: 75

March 18, 2009

1977-1979

The 1977-1979 section of the book is now over. 1980-1982 is up next.

66. Talking Heads: Memories Can't Wait

The weirdness is just starting to become a bit much, the tension building and building musically and, finally, even vocally, as Byrne just starts anxiously yelling. And then ... peace. They take it and slow it down and, in the last minute of the song, with the soaring alternating vocals, give you the payoff and make it all worth it.

Rating: 76.

65. Blondie: Atomic

Spaghetti Western guitar (Think The Good, the Bad and the Ugly). Bridge into mild disco and sing around. And then a chorus of hardcore disco with 4-part harmonies with lyrics about how "your hair is beautiful." Say the word "Atomic" in the lowest voice you have.

Repeat 3 times.

Rating: 55.

64. XTC: Making Plans for Nigel

The lyrics are just ... boneheaded. They make plans for Nigel and ... he loves them. There's a ton going on in the background here, but only some of it works. The Laser-Gun shot synth background sounds in the first few verses don't, for example. Repetitive too.

Rating: 54.

63. The Cure: Boys Don't Cry

The slow three chord start has gotta be one of the more famous openings in rock, jumping into the simple up-and-down lead guitar and the peppy percussion and bouncy rhythm guitar.

My favorite part might be Robert Smith doing his own wailing background vocals over the "I thought that you needed me more" line about 2/3 of the way through.

One thing you notice if you listen to a lot of Cure is that the bass is doing all kinds of shit; the bass is doing more on Cure songs than for most so-called funk bands. Kind of like the Beatles and McCartney.

The lyrics always struck me as misplaced. Boys Don't Cry? Isn't this a jock's lament? You goth boys are allowed to bawl like babies, tears spilling out onto your poetry notebooks, smearing your words and everything, no?

Rating: 81.

The video here is really fucking good (even though it's not exactly the original studio version of the song):

62. Elvis Costello: Radio, Radio

PF500 can be useful, like here where it explains that this song is about how God Save the Queen had been pretty much banned by UK radio stations. With that context, Costello's ranting makes some sense, whereas before it had always felt like he had an Eminem persecution complex or something.

"But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference; And the promise of an early bed" ain't a bad line.

The organ and the energy are what make this song.

Rating: 71.

61. The Cars: Just What I Needed


Ahhhh, Ocasek and Paulina, one of the 1980's couplings that gave every boy hope, but not on this song, which has the bass player stepping in on the vocals.

The choppy guitar and the lyrics are nice (someone to feed), but it's the monophonic synth line is what sticks in you head, mostly a good thing, but sometimes not.

Here is a boring discussion amongst synthesizer dorks about how to reproduce the synth sound.

Rating: 79.

60. Cheap Trick: Surrender

The premise to this song is, really, genius. The parents talking STDs, fucking and doing more drugs than the kids. This might shock those that are 25 or younger, who consider their parents "friends" and maybe even moderately cool, but us older people used to think our parents were complete losers. So this song surprised us.

PF500 claims that the parents are boomers and the kids are Gen X. Wikipedia claims the parents are the G.I. generation and the kids are boomers.

Considering that "Mommy served in the WACS in the Phillipines," I'm awarding the victory to wikipedia.

Rating: 67.

59. The Records: Starry Eyes

How many songs are there where you heard the cover first?

Downtown Train, by Rod Stewart is one of mine. I remember disliking that song -- it was a Rod Stewart song, of course I disliked it -- but later having to try to convince myself I liked it once I found out it was a Waits song. But, alas, Stewart had ruined it for me forever.

There are many others, some of which I had no idea for years that they were covers:

Tainted Love by Soft Cell.
Take me to the River by the Talking Heads.
Signs by Tesla (unfortunately, I'm not kidding).
Red Red Wine by UB40.

Here's a nice list of covers

Which brings me to the Records. I loved a little-medium band called Too Much Joy who made a little run in the late 1980's and 1990's, covering this Records' song in 1993 (but modifying the lyrics for their own band, fittingly, and in doing so obliquely and briefing telling the stories of when they got arrested for covering 2 Live Crew songs in Florida and got sued by Bozo the Clown).

It's a nice example of late 1970's power pop. But, to me, the Records version is the one that feels like the cover.

Rating: 70.

Here's the cover:

March 17, 2009

58. Plastic Bertrand: Ca Plane Pour Moi

Per Wikipedia, literally, "It is gliding for me." "It works for me," basically.

Imagine a Chuck Berry-written basic fast-paced rock song, right out of the late 1950's, horns and all, but with some punkier guitars and sah-weet oo-wee-oo-oos.

And with French lyrics. Except when they say "I am the king of the divan!"

Kinda catchy. PF500 nails the joy of the song, with an interesting story about how this song copies the tune of an English song "Jet Boy Jet Girl" of about the same time.

Rating: 65.

57. The Undertones: Teenaged Kicks

I'm starting to think this blog I'm writing sucks. It can only be as good as the songs people!

Here's another power-pop masquerading as punk song. PF500 explains these guys are Northern Irelanders.

Rating: 63. 59. 68.

UPDATE: I was much too defeatist above. This song is starting to grow on me. It's apparently John Peel's favorite-ever song. I think what gives it the extra kick is the half-step escalating chords in the chorus. Adds a little bit of spice to the power pop.

56. The Only Ones: Another Girl, Another Planet

This band is described as punk, but that's just stretching the definition to a ridiculous degree. This is power pop. OK power pop, with a nice funky Brit vocal for yanks to enjoy. It's a cute little love song and that's about it.

Rating: 57.

55. Electric Light Orchestra: Mr. Blue Sky

PF500 claims that this song predicts 21st Century indie rock, other than the falsetto stuff. I'm thinking they're not wrong here.

It's nice to have a band that fucking claims their name and tries to live it. Electric Light Orchestra. Really? That's a mighty huge claim, but they aspire to it; they try for it. Serious Lyrics. Choruses. Strings. Piano (bouncy piano even) . Movements (Jesus, the surest way to crack the PF500 is to have multiple movements in your song).

An ending like a glide down a rainbow of synthey poop seventies.

Rating: 62.

March 16, 2009

54. Steely Dan: Deacon Blues

If you had to pick anything that represented the awfulness of the Nineteen-Seventies, is there any better example anywhere?

I just don't get it. At all. I never have.

The Luke Wilson letter was somewhat funny. And then, realizing being called out by Steely Dan was pretty much the worst thing that could ever happen to a person, Owen tried to kill himself.

Rating: FUCKING ZERO.

53. Fleetwood Mac: The Chain

It starts with the thumping drums. A mandolin-ish acoustic guitar. Blues electric guitar. And then three-part harmony. And the emotionally powerful lyric again and again. Multiple harmonies. Almost in a row row row your boat round. And then, right near the end, the nasty bass line, with the buildup: Running in the shadows! (actually, I could do without the ending).

Thank you Fleetwood Mac for teaching us that band members should not sex each other up all over the place!

The power of Fleetwood Mac has always been its ability to sound like no other band in the world.

Rating: 92 (the first in the nineties!)

March 15, 2009

52. Van Halen: Running With the Devil

The only place I ever hear this song is on Cleveland classic rock radio, so I wasn't really prepared for the somewhat awesome opening, segue into the first lyric "I live my life like there's no tomorrow," that Roth certainly proved was a true statement in the years to come.

PF500 has a very nice take on how Roth's lyric "Got no love, no love you'd call real; Got nobody waiting at home," which sounds like a "woe-is-me sentiment," is really a "fist pumping mantra."

Harmonies on heavy metal always struck me as odd, and they do doubly so on this song.

Rating: 71.

51. Highway to Hell: AC/DC

This marks AC/DC's only appearance in the PF500, which is a sad thing, but probably necessary. All of their great songs have a common sound and structure, so anything more than one would seem redundant. I wouldn't have chosen this one, but I'm OK with it.

I thought PF500 had a nice take on this song, that the song is a homage to the "pursuit of abandon" that is "played like an exercise in rigor." PF500 notes the simple riff, the unadorned drums and how Scott "stays completely in the song's pocket."

I mean, I thought it was a nice take until I listened to it again, this time paying attention to Scott's vocals, which could never ever be described as tight, or rigorous or anything like it. Nice try, PF500.

One more thing on AC/DC: I do think the Bon Scott lovers that don't appreciate Brian Johnson are just silly. Scott was better, but you're splitting hairs here guys. Never has a dead man replacement done so well.

Rating: 77

OK with it: Absolutely

50. Blue Oyster Cult: Don't Fear the Reaper

PF500 pre-empts, by noting the song is a "favorite frat-boy punchline thanks to Saturday Night Live." I'm not sure what PF500 was going for here. Are they angry that people don't take this Blue Oyster Cult song more seriously? It's tough to argue that "More Cowbell" isn't funny, even if you don't think it deserves the lionization some have given it. Skewering VH1's behind-the-music at a time when it desparately needed skewering was a necessary thing. PF500 doesn't even say it wasn't funny; it just goes for the fratboy punchline wherever it can, I guess.

The song is actually quite nice, the creepy guitar solo exploding half-way through somewhat powerful if you have it on loud enough.

The semi-lobotomized vocals give the suicide pact lyrics quite a bit of umph.

It's not bad at all.

I do have to say that I thought the cowbell was mixed quite a bit quieter than I had thought it was.

Rating: 66

OK with it: Naah.

49. Suspira: Goblin


An instrumental track in 3 movements, this is apparently a song from the soundtrack to Dario Argento's horror movie Suspira, which apparently is some kind of big deal I had never heard of (but which is now in my netflix' queue, albeit 175 movies (and thus about 4-5 years) from actually getting to me.

As for the song, the first 150 seconds sound like what a horror soundtrack is supposed to sound like: the repetitive, suspenseful, higher octave work dominating. The song launches into a middle section that is clearly a chase sequence before returning to the suspense, this time with foreboding chanting coming to the foreground.

Great soundtrack song. But I wasn't watching the movie.

Rating: 45

OK with it: N

48. Kate Bush: Wuthering Heights

And I thought that the Kate Bush of "Running up that Hill" had a screechy voice. It actually had matured quite a bit by the mid-80's, compared to these barely listenable 1978 vocals.

I know that there is nothing new under the sun in music, but just hearing the chorus to this song makes me think of Mandy, by Mr. Manilow (which had hit #1 in 1974). The melodies are virtually identical.

Rating: 31

OK with it: Dear PF500: Any song that rips off an awful #1 from 4 years prior is on the pathetic side, don't we think? Not worthy of the 500, right?

44. Devo: Mongoloid

PF500 says that this song "embraces the eternal nerd fantasy of simply seeming normal," which suggests that Devo is identifying with the Mongoloids. This take is idiotic. As a former nerd, I can attest that no nerd would have any part of any story in which they are, secretly, a moron.

Devo is famously short for "Devolution," the idea that modern society is actually regressing. I've never seen it written what Devo themselves exactly meant by this, but, to most nerds, it means that (a) moron football players are getting to have all the sex and creating all the babies, (b) the smart nerds are getting no action whatsoever and, therefore (c) the babies of the new generation are dumber, on average, than the existing generation. In fact, devolution has progressed so far that idiotic Mongoloids can now function as normal members of society (so says the song)!

Dropping into the song how the Mongoloid is secretly happy is the nice touch. And that's the eternal nerd fantasy, PF500 (i.e., "If only I could just be dumber, if I wasn't burdened with this great brain. I could then be happy.").

The harmonics, with all the overdubs, in the chorus, are very very nice.

PF500 does rightly notice how the vocals slowly recede and become overwhelmed by the music as the song goes on. Nice touch, Devo.

Rating: 84

OK with it: Y

43. Throbbing Gristle: Hot on the Heels of Love

Some of the progenitors of industrial music, this song has the problem of most early industrial in that it feels more like an offshoot of disco. I mean, it's techno, really. It gets called industrial in retrospect because it has buzzy effects and whip-cracking sounds in the background.

PF500 seems to recognize this, even comparing it to Giorgio Moroder, but they liked him too.

Rating: 48

OK with it: N

March 10, 2009

42. Nag Nag Nag: Cabaret Voltaire

Here comes the industrial! The distorted vocals had to come in somewhere.

A buzzy guitar. There's something about the breakdown on the drum machine at the end of each measure that draws you in. Almost.

PF500, PRAISING the song, says: "subjects the listener to psychological stress tactics that most two-minute guitar punks wouldn't dare attempt." Well, now.

Rating: 42

OK with it: N

41. Dream Baby Dream: Suicide

There's really only one possible series of reactions to this song:

Minute 1: "This is kinda nice. The tinkly synth. I think this was in a John Hughes movie."

Minute 3: "This song really isn't going to go *anywhere*, is it?"

Minute 5: "Oops... I forgot I was supposed to be listening."

Minute 6: "Sigh"

Rating: 59

OK with it: N

40. Contort Yourself: James Chance and Contortions

I would imagine that this is what people that hate jazz or funk but don't know what those things sound like think jazz or funk sounds like. Not that I really know what jazz or funk sounds like.

What's up with the late 1970's and all the sloppy honky brass? It's like there was no money for high school music programs in the late 1960's or something.

Rating: 29

OK with it: N

39. Guns of Brixton: The Clash

OOOOOA-OH.

I am never going to fully get behind the Clash as a reggae act. But this one gets me damn close. Bonus points always for bands that use an alternate singer once or twice an album. Learning that the vocalist here (the bassist) was actually from Brixton pushes me over the top.

Rating: 76

OK with it: Grudgingly

37. The Slits: Typical Girls

The song alternates between 2 styles: "happy ska" featuring a lazy, out-of-tune guitar gives way to up tempo High School Musical with sixth-grade piano skills. A riff stolen from Batman (the tv show) makes its way in there.

PF500 clearly fell for the anti-deoderant lyrics.

Really, this mostly sounds like an Architecture in Helsinki song that didn't make the album.

Rating: 39

OK with it: N

36. 24 Track Loop: This Heat

Let's be generous and call it "experimental electronica." Vocal-less, the "song" is a riff distorted for 6 minutes. On something like an Atari 800.

Final unsurprising fact: "Dominique Leone," whose bio utilizes the letter O with a line through it (but it doesn't mean zero) glowingly reviewed this one for PF500.

Rating: 32

OK with it: OK for a music museum. Not OK for a top 500 song list.

35. Armagideon Time: Willie Williams

One hit wonder, covered by the Clash, so all the Clash-lovers probably love it.

This song was a hit apparently, but I don't get it. I don't mean I don't think it should be a hit. I mean that it would basically be impossible for me, sitting here, to explain how this song is different than "generic reggae."

Rating: 55

OK with it: no

34. Fisherman: The Congos

Classic reggae. That's either a woman singing or more likely falsetto (the bad kind this time). I unfortunately don't care enough to type in the name of the band into wikipedia.

I was trying to decide what to rank this song, because i didn't like it all that much, but I kinda felt bad about it; I felt like I SHOULD like it more. Then I remembered how fucking awesome Desmond Dekker's "Isrealites" is. This is not that.

Rating: 51

OK with it: No

33. Roast Fish and Cornbread: Lee Perry

I had to listen to this one twice and really turn up the volume. When I did, I was able to say "yep ... that's definitely a cow."

Later I could say "and a reverbing electronic ding!" And near the end "a spooky organ too!" All on top of a spacey reggae song.

Lots of points for being sonically interesting, but slow reggae that has barely enough going on (other than cows, dings and organs) needs good lyrics and I ... well I can't even find the lyrics on the internet. Google fails. And don't expect this Clevelanders to parse the island accent.

PF500 talks about how crazy and experimental Lee Perry (who i'd never heard of before) is. I'm thinking this is a kind of lifetime achievement award as well.

It is interesting to me that there are apparently "cow" and "no cow" versions of this song.

First, "no cow":



and, of course "cow":



Rating: Cow: 75; No Cow: 65
The real goal here is to see if the number of posts can exceed the number of hits.

I'M NOT SHURE IF THAT'S EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!!!

32. Uptown Top Ranking: Althea & Donna

Aw, shit, PF500, a reggae section? Really?

This is a perfectly nice summertime-drink-on-the-porch-during-the-day kinda lazy reggae song. Female vocals. Some nice percussive effects.

I read on wikipedia that this song hit # 1 in the UK, which makes me happy; it's nice to see that a song like this could do that. It's just soo pleasant.

Most songs go wrong in some way, have some flaw, even the ones that make up for it with the positives. This song goes wrong nowhere. It's almost aggressively non-wrong. Every song starts at about 60. It does nothing to add or detract from that score.

Rating: 60

OK with it: kinda, for historical/representative reasons

31. Disorder: Joy Division

A nice side effect of listening to all these together (and a few other songs by some of the artists I like) is that you can start to REALLY see who was creating a new sound. I've always loved Joy Division, but damn if this song just doesn't seem to be a jump from what these other folks were doing. The sonic emptiness. The complete confidence of the weird baritone vocals.

I've also always questioned whether the atmospheric swooshes and bowie-like effects that Joy Division are partially known for add that much. Disorder is just a great song; it almost doesn't NEED those swooshes coming in later on. I like the mix with it in, but I wish I had a remix without it too.

Rating: 87

OK with it: Yep

Youtube is so weird:

March 9, 2009

30. Outdoor Miner: Wire

A song about a little insect with abtuse lyrics until the chorus:

He lies on his side, is he trying to hide?
In fact it's the earth which he's known since birth.

Friendly vocals with harmonies, simple, insanely catchy and hook-driven music, coming in at less than 2 minutes. If you didn't know beforehand that this was a punk band, you wouldn't believe it.

I now know where Robert Pollard derived his GBV inspiration.

Rating: 83

OK with it: Hellya

29. Night of the Living Dead: Misfits

Finally, at #29, we fucking get to the first song where I actually own the CD.

Lots of "WHOAs" and "NOOOOOs" group sings at the outset and every now and again to make the 7 Seconds fans happy. Danzig does well on this song, before the theatricality overtook him completely.

I have to say I have a preference for "Mommy Can I Go Out and KILL TONIGHT."

Rating: 67

OK with it: Nope

28. Human Fly: The Cramps

As anyone that's drunk too much beer with me around a stereo can confirm, I have a soft spot in my heart for novelty songs. I fully believe that they have their place in this world.

I give you Plant Man, for example:

Plant Man is fucking awesome. I own a Ween album. I own TMBG, Weird Al, all kinds of stuff I knew was retarded even as I was buying it. I own 2 fucking King "Detachable Penis" Missile albums even.

And so I feel authorized to say that Human Fly doesn't belong on the list.

Rating: 43

OK with it: nope

Check it out for yourself:

27. Shot by Both Sides: Magazine

PF500 describes the riff as "sinister" which is spot on. They also note its "classic rock" structure which is also spot on, and most unfortunate. The great riff and all that energy are jammed awkwardly into the overly-formulaic structure.

Still, that riff...

Rating: 64, for the riff.

OK with it: No, except for the riff.

So you can check out the riff:

26. Damaged Goods: Gang of Four

Clangy spiky guitars. A spare sound generally. The bass lines mixed a little louder and permitted to dance all over the place. Some nice harmonies and background vocals. Punk's best songs are the ones that are sad but hopeful. This fits the bill.

Rating: 75

OK with it: Y

No good video of this one. This is the best I could find.

25. Public Image: Public Image LTD.

We are now safely clear of disco land!

I always liked Johnny Lydon better than Johnny Rotten. You figure that a Johnny Lydon song should just be raw, but you hear the overdubs and the echo chamber and remember it's "PIL" after all.

I fucking LOVE the song Rise by these guys. Kinda pissed that this is their entree.

Rating: 71

OK with it: N

24. Got to Give it Up: Marvin Gaye

Here's the falsetto again.

Do people that don't like falsettos not like them across-the-board? It seems like something you should be for or against. That makes sense to me. But I somehow find myself disliking 80% of falsettos and loving 20%, which makes me wonder if I'm deranged.

For example, the King of Pop and that new guy Antony from Antony and the Johnsons.

Like the falsetto.

Bon Iver's falsetto?

Not so much.

This Marvin Gaye is pleasant background music for pondering such questions. A little too unintentionally mellow.

Rating: 62

OK with it: not really

23. Flash Light: Parliament

Is it 20% or is it 25% of all west coast rap that comes from this song?

Did Parliament really play a concert in the movie PCU, or was that just a dream I had?

PF500 provides the shocking fact that the bass line on this song is played with a synthesizer!! Is this common knowledge for everyone but me? That Parliament's iconic bass lines aren't, y'know, bass lines? I feel dirty.

Rating: 78 (prior to knowledge about fakey bass lines, which feels like it merits a deduction)

OK with it: of course

WARNING! VIDEO BELOW IS DUMBER THAN MOST THAT I'M POSTING!

22. Don't Stop Until You Get Enough: Michael Jackson

Y'know. You sometimes forget that this fucker's just really damn good. The up and down strings, the break at minute 3 with all kinds of instruments kicking in, the awesome falsetto.

If I had a time machine, I might take it back and actually go to a Michael Jackson concert in 1983 or 1984 or so.

Does anyone read his lyrics? These lyrics at least can all be interpreted as semi-sexy (which is really icky now that I think about it), but his lyrics are absolutely bizarre sometimes:

My favorite is "Wanna Be Startin' Something" where he says:

You're A Vegetable, You're A Vegetable
Still They Hate You, You're A Vegetable
You're Just A Buffet, You're A Vegetable
They Eat Off Of You, You're A Vegetable

Rating: 72.5 (Move Over Donna Summer!)

OK with it: Y

21. I Will Survive: Gloria Gaynor

Tough to listen to this one with fresh ears, but I have to say that this one hasn't aged particularly well. Strings and horns seems really forced. Music is repetitive even for disco. If you dropped me into the song unannounced, I'd have no idea whether I was in the midst of verse 2 or verse 3 or somewhere else completely.

All that said, the "Did you think I'd cuh-rumble??" said with disdain, is worth 25 points alone.

Rating: 44

OK with it: Y, oddly. This category is starting to not make sense and may be discontinued shortly.

20. Don't Leave Me This Way: Thelma Houston

It takes a while to get going. A long wait to be served the musical equivalent of fast food seems inappropriate.

Tinkly piano-esque sounds dominate the disco at the outset, and my main impression is that of a woman who absolutely does NOT want to be left this way.

I was about to give this up for lost, but the key change into the chorus, with the background singers, the uplifting vibe... damn if that ain't kinda nice.

This has about the shortest blurb in the entire PF500 book.

Rating: 49

OK with it: Not really.

19. Good Times: Chic

An NBA arena staple. PF500 opens its descrip in the book with "Exhibiting a kind of dymaxion principle of pop physics ... " Fuck PF500.

When you think about it, the 0.5 second bursts of strings are kinda weird, but cool. Live, they must play the strings and then sit there for 30 seconds.

Rating: 41

OK with it: N

18. Giorgio Moroder: The Chase

8.5 minutes of, basically, late 1970s soundtrack disco music. Only shocking thing is that a claptrack does not make an appearance. Fucking Europeans. Makes me pine for Mr. Faltermeyer.

Rating: 33

OK with it: N

17. Donna Summer: I Feel Love

Whoa. I had always assumed, I guess, that what I was listening to was some mid-1990s remix by some techno guys; I never thought what I was hearing was the actual 1977 version. It's very trancey. Appropriately sparse. Donna just feels the love and lets the super-repetitive electronics do the work.

PF500 tells me the only organic thing in the song is summer's voice, and this was apparently a big deal at the time.

Rating: 68 (if there's a higher rated disco song, I'll be surprised)

OK with it: Y

16. Wire: Ex-Lion Tamer

Not just somewhat arty punk.

Lots going on here. Uhs. Melodies. Lots of background vocals. Hatred of Television. And a proper punk song finally, at 139 seconds.

I can't figure out how I feel about the punk staple of the louder than it should be background vocal at the start with the guy that sounds like someones pubescent brother singing standing 2 feet from the microphone (his first verse: "danger ... bullets").

Rating: 78

OK with it: Y



[we're still in the 1977-1979 section of the book, and it is unofficially grouped by genre; we are entering the disco section, so this entire experiment could come crashing to a halt]

March 8, 2009

A Word On the Format

First, I'm rating everything 0 to 100. I'm intentionally being a hard ass here, grading on a harsh curve, giving myself plenty of room to make the fine distinctions that may need to be made down the road. You should figure anything 70 and above is a damn good song in my estimation. Anything 60 or higher I'd consider buying. Anything 50 or high I'd be happy to hear on the radio. Anything 40 or above doesn't piss me off.

Second, if I give it a 75 or higher, I'm gonna try to find a video embed.

15. The Adverts: One Chord Wonders

Only version I could find was live. PF500 book gives it credit for bringing more irony to punk, which I am all in favor of.

Nice opening. Good, simple message in the lyrics. Really builds to something nice, after going through the reasons they suck, they launch into a "WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN" round that goes on for the final minute (lyrics here).

Rating: 76

OK with it: Y

14. X-Ray Spex: Oh Bondage Up Yours!

Opening monologue, as PF500 states, is a classic ("Some people think little girls; should be seen and not heard. But I think, Oh Bondage, Up Yours!"). I mean, it's nonsensical, but I think even I get the point.

I had never heard this song, with the roaring, poorly played sax, the shrieking of: BIND ME TIE ME CHAIN ME TO THE WALL I WANT TO BE YOUR SLAVE ...

... it kind of works. This one's only 50% historical oddity. There's actually a song worth listening to here, even if PF500 probably included it for the wrong reasons.

Rating: 73

OK with it: barely

12. Buzzcocks: Ever Fallen in Love?

Nice, tight song. It's punk, it's about love, and a nice kind of love, so it's a bit of an oddity. Yet another of the hundreds of "punk" songs that sounds suspiciously like a pop song performed in a punk-like manner, with all that melody (and even some harmonies creeping in).

It moves. It's nice. It's nothing overly special, but there's a lot worse things to listen to.

Rating: 63. 66.

11. White Man in Hammersmith Pais: The Clash

Wow. Really strong opening. Falsetto oohs that really rock and then it ... devolves into reggae, of course (it's a critically praised Clash song, so you had to see that coming)

When the Clash really are doing the genre merging they get all that credit for, this song really works. but for too long in the middle, this song is not genre merging. It's only a ska song, and so it's british white guys doing ska, and there's a limit on how good that can be (even if it is the clash, and even if it is a ska song that calls out old time reggae guys, which is pretty fucking ballsy for joe strummer, and has other nice lyrics).

Rating: 70

OK with it: N, the Clash will appear again, but they have lots better than this.

10. God Save the Queen: Sex Pistols

It's ... a touch more repetitive than it should be. I mean, it's punk; I realize that it's allowed to be repetitive. But I always thought the implied deal was that it could be repetitive so long as it got done with in 150 seconds or less. This one's 200 secs.

That said, the raucous "NO FUTURE" group chanting is nice, and gives the song a strong last minute. It just should've started a minute earlier.

Rating: 71

OK with it: Y ... eggselent historical arguments for this one.

9. Rock n Roll N-gg-r: Patti Smith

I'm sure including this made the Pitchfork kids feel really fucking cool. Even better than when Pitchfork's top 100 songs of the year has 93 rap and electronica songs in it (and multiple lil wayne cuts).

This particular song is interesting as a historical piece. If you were teaching a class, you could play it and then Richard Pryor's stuff and do shit like that.

Rating: 26

OK with it: N

8. Marquis Moon - Television

Nominally punk, this 10-minute song is included by PF500 because of the theoretically really cool jam that dominates the second half of the song, to which I have to say "ummm... no."

I mean, it's not bad. If I had some drugs, I could get into it, I'm sure.

At the end of the day, it's a jam song from a PUNK band. And the first 4 minutes, before the jam takes off, aren't doing the song any favors.

Rating: 42.

OK with it: nada

7. Psycho Killer. Talking Heads

I thought I knew what I thought about this song, but when I listened to it closely this time around, it was a little weirder, a little odder, a little freakier than I thought.

What's actually weird here is that, for a while, I thought the song "Psycho Killer" was even close to normal. It's actually completely and totally bizarre and unique thing.

How strange is culture, that it makes us think that this song is a regular thing?

And, what's the french mean?

Rating: 85

OK with it: Y

I don't love the version below, but it's the best I could find:

March 7, 2009

6. Rockaway Beach: The Ramones

hmmm... this is the first example of a good song, but where it's about the 5th or 8th song from this band that I would've chosen, and thumbing through the index, this appears to be the Ramones' only entry in the competition. Does anyone else feel like the Ramones songs are all hidden covers of the 1963 Beach Boys songs that didn't make it onto their albums?

This song ABSOLUTELY makes me feel that way.

Rating: 63

OK with it? No

5. Brian Eno: 1/1

OK, maybe this atmospheric piece, with a single melodic line on an old piano and other mellotronish instruments in the background is what you're into. that's fine. Maybe it invented new age music. Maybe it belongs in the "top 500 atmospheric new agey pieces of the 20th century." Fuck all if I know. I haven't listened to 500 of them.

I guess Pitchfork, by saying the guide is to "the 500 best songs," (we didn't say rock!) has convinced itself it can include shit like this, but I think it's cheating.

I might actually like it given enough time, but I'm just pissed off. and plus this song is 17 minutes (I'm actually only on minute 11, but I'm hitting "post" right now ... if it changes substantially, I'll let you know)

Rating: fuck pitchfork. give it a 7.

OK with it?: NFW

Advice I Would've Given Pitchfork, Had I Been Asked

A few simple rules that I would've given Pitchfork about their book, had I been asked:

(1) We Are Rating the Songs here, people, not the reputation. Focus on the song.

(2) It's 500 songs over 30 years, so that's really the top 16/17 songs per year. But keep in your head "is this one of the top 15 songs of the year?" If not, it better have been a great year for music.

(3) No fucking lifetime achievement awards. I know it feels unfair to exclude certain bands because they had 30 real good songs and no great ones, but that's what you do. Save those bands for other books. Here, please focus on the song.

(4) If a band invents a genre, that's great. That doesn't mean that their song is one of the best of the genre. Induct the band in the Rock Hall. Give them awards, but don't put them in the book, please, Pitchfork. This isn't a fucking history book. Focus on the FUCKING SONG.

(5) Lyrics matter, but let's not get carried away.

(1st rule of tentfort; 5th rule of sbsttp4k500)

(6) Political impact can matter a little bit, but not much. Thank God Pitchfork started it in 1977. If they went back 10 years' earlier, God knows what the criteria would've been.

4. Kraftwerk: Trans-Europe Express

This feels very very much like a lifetime achievement award, and the passage of the PF500 book reads like that's what they're awarding (lots of "without kraftwerk there can be no hip hop" blah blah blah).

A bit spare for early techno. Very mechanical. No guitar at all on top of that synth (when did they start doing that. 1987?).

I want to say "a bit too German," but complaining that Kraftwerk is a bit too German is kind of like saying "this cigarette is really smokey!"

Rating: 57.

OK with it being in the top 500: not really

3. Street Hassle: Lou Reed.

You need to know 3 things about this song. It's Lou Reed. It's 11 minutes. There is LOTS of CELLO.

Everything else is exactly what you'd expect.

The bass is a sloppy but consistent. He's mournfully talk-rapping most of the song, and when he sings the studio effects are in evidence. he's singing about deck-full of stock characters that he and Tom Waits trade off every other weekend. There are several times I'm not entirely sure what instrument is being played.

But then there is more shit. Three separate movements.

and fucking Bruce Springsteen appears out of nowhere on minute 9.

and now here comes the choir in minute 10!

Overall, wow. mostly.

Rating: Who fucking knows. Jesus, I've listened to this song once in my life. Let's go with an 82, but after 10 listens it could be a 60 or a 98.

OK with it: yes. this is the kind of song that even if not for you, the people that think it is a classic will win the argument.

2. Iggy Pop: The Passenger

A La la la la la la la la laconic chorus to match the two-chord riff that dominates. Still, the sound is jangly in a dirty and dark and tired kind of way. This is not the iggy of LUST FOR LIFE with the tom toms booming throughout. That said, it's clear that the energy is there, is in him; he's just not using it right now.

My friend tells me to picture this song driving around Chicago late at night. The problem is that I picture a shirtless Iggy Pop (is there any other kind?) doing the driving.

Lyrics in here are pretty sweet.

This Website was made for you and me!

Rating: 79



OK with it being in the top 500: yep

1. Heroes: Bowie

This song feels more like a soundtrack to a commercial than a real song. It starts slower than I thought, with some cool spacey bowie-esque effects in the background, but it gets a touch repetitive in the first three minutes.

... it then picks up at the 3:30 minute mark and pick up the energy

... and then the high energy gets a little repetitive.

At 6 mins, it's about 2 minutes too long.

Rating: 74 (out of 100)

OK with it being in the top 500: yes

A brief intro

I started this over on the TENTFORT website, but that site is just not conducive to lists like this, because all the comments were all the fuck over the place.

So instead I am going to, by the end of this year of our lord 2009, listen to and comment upon every song in the Pitchfork 500.

The easy thing to do is roll your eyes and say "Pitchfork? Who the fuck do those kids think they are" and to scoff at their list. And much is scoff-able. But it is a hard thing to put together a list, but I'm glad someone with at least pretend street cred did it (and I trust these guys more than Rolling Stone).

And, for me, 1977 is a beautiful cutoff because, being 5 years old at the time, none of these songs were written before I had a memory of this world.

I am also going to rate all 500 of these here songs. You may think: "How can you rate them? Isn't musical taste subjective?" The answer to that is no. It is not. It is objective. Music that sucks actually does suck. We will discuss later.

If anyone actually deigns to comment on anything here, and convinces me in the comment that I have short-shrifted a song, I reserve the right to completely throw out my prior appraisal and re-rate it.